It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
it's great music for shaving your balls
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
