well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
