Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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