were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
