I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
