If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
