Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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