Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
