He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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