Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
