people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
