girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
