I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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