exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
