Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
