Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
