You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
