Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
