I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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