So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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