there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
