Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
