I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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