You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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