who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
