The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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