i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
