Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
