look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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