I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
