he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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