im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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