Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
