I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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