we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize