Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
