people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Your penis caused this!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize