i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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