What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
