The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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