Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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