I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize