Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
