Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
