i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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