In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
