haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize