I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
