Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
