Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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