i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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