Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
