His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
