I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
how drunk are you?
Several
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
