I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
