But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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