I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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