just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
