Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
