I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
