u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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