I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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