What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
