do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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