new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
