That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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