i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
