You made me cry and you don't even care
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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