Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Randomize
