I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
