You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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