Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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