the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
