So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
