Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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