ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
