Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she woke up with a sticky ear
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
