I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
