Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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