True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
