so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
