guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
