were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
