I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
