I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize