can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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