I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
