Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
