A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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