just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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