dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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