Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
