I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
