no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
