i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
