Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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