I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I believe in your delicious
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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