Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
