who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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