i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
