She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
