Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize